Advice – Why we drive a pick-up, or What vehicles to choose during the Apocalypse.

Some of you may have noticed that we mention a pick-up truck fairly frequently, and may be wondering why we chose that as our vehicle of choice. Well there are some very simple reasons for this, which I will cover in this post. But when writing it up I realized that a more thorough post about vehicle choice in general might serve other survivors better than simply the reasons we choose to use a pick-up truck. So as follows, here are do’s and don’ts of vehicle choices, or Post-Zombie Apocalypse travel, both short and long distance.

When picking a vehicle for PZA (Post-Zombie Apocalypse) travel, there are four factors you need to take into consideration – noise, security, reliability, and range (or MPGs).

Noise - When picking a vehicle for PZA travel, you need to consider how much noise it creates. Noise attracts zeds, pure and simple. Some vehicles create significantly more noise than others. Have you ever hear a motorcycle accelerate past you on the freeway? Yes? Then you should know how much noise it creates. “So what is the quietest vehicle I can use to travel” you’re probably thinking? Your feet. Walking and running creates the least amount of noise, but obviously you get tired eventually, or you could be injured, so lets focus on vehicles that aren’t your feet. The quietest vehicle would be a good old-fashioned bicycle. As long as it’s well maintained, it can go on indefinitely, and it’s as close to silent as you can get without walking. So for the noise rating, your best vehicle is a bike.
Security - So what do I mean here? I definitely don’t mean an alarm system. I’m talking about how secure you will be from zeds when you’re inside the vehicle. Now, I’m willing to bet that if we have 100 readers… maybe one of you will have access to a military vehicle. Probably not. So let’s stay realistic here. We’re talking about vehicles you already own, or can find the keys for/hotwire. We’re talking civilian vehicles. Maybe a few of you are “truckers.” Great, you’ve got a virtual tank. That’s noisy as hell. Let’s not count this either. We’re talking something you can actually find on the street easily. Cars, trucks, SUV’s, vans. Well, you need a vehicle that’s sturdy, can’t have the windows smashed easily, is hard to climb over/flip, and you can defend/live from if necessary. Cars are easy to smash into. Vans have too many windows, and are too easy to flip. Most trucks are too hard to maneuver in, and damn hard to sleep in. So SUV’s win. A good SUV is hard to flip (by a person, I mean), it’s windows are either too high up to smash or reinforced, and they are big, roomy, and comfy. A police car is also a damn good choice.
Reliability - Ever driven a junker that breaks down every 500 miles? Then you know what I’m talking about here. You want something that needs the least amount of maintenance per miles driven. Most of you probably aren’t mechanics, so if the car dies, you wont know what you fix easily. This is a category that you can’t split up by type of vehicle. I’ll let my bias show a bit and say I’d stay away from American-made. They tend to be more prone to breaking down. Go with German, or Asian cars. Volkswagen, Toyota, Nissan. Do your research. If you can see this post, you can research cars on some of the few available resources online. Make sure your vehicle is reliable.
Range - You want to maximize your MPGs (miles-per-gallon). Gas is not as readily available as it used to be (though it is a lot cheaper now, heh). You don’t want to be five miles from home and run out of gas with no reserve. Bikes, once again, have the most MPGs… obviously, but it’s hard to transport anything with them. Cars tend to be the next best, being smaller and lighter they get the most out of their gas, but larger vehicles tend to have larger tanks to make up for this. SUVs and vans have the worst MPGs, so trucks are your best bet for larger vehicles. If you want to maximize your MPGs, but still be able to transport things with at least some ease, go with a sedan.

Now that I’ve covered the four most important features you need to consider when picking a vehicle, lets talk about vehicles you shouldn’t pick, and of course why.

Motorcycles - Motorcycles are just bad. They might be badass, and you might have wet dreams about zooming down the road, lopping zed heads off with your machete as you pass them by on your Ducati, but lets be realistic here. They are the loudest ground vehicle I can think of, which will attract more zeds than you can shake a stick at. They offer no protection – if you get stuck away from home you can sleep in it, and if a zed manages to get a good grip on you… unless it’s so rotted its arm falls off, you’re not going to be on the Harley for long. Yes they are easy to maneuver, and attack from, so security isn’t a huge issue, and they are in general rather reliable. But they also get shit MPGs, because they have tiny gas tanks. So all in all, they are pretty much your worst choice.
Jeeps - Now you might be thinking “Hey Jeeps are pretty fast, they aren’t too loud, they can go off-road, not a bad vehicle. Then you need to remember… they are basically glorified dune buggys. Their shells are more or less plastic and canvas, and some don’t even have windows or roofs. So they offer virtually no protection. And they are shit on gas. So even if you are lucky enough to have access to military vehicles, please pass up the Jeep.
Sports Cars - Ah, the sports car. Man’s answer to the mid-life crisis and penis envy. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t admire at least one model of sports car. They are pretty damn bad ass. And now that all the rich bastards are dead because they sure as hell weren’t expecting this… there are thousands of them lying around, ripe for stealing. Except they suck. Most are pretty much fiberglass, so your “healthy” zed will eventually be able to punch through it. They are so low to the ground a zed wont even have to pull to be on top of it, and they get almost as bad MPGs as motorcycles. Oh, and they are loud as hell. So basically these have all the same drawbacks as a motorcycle, except they offer a little bit more protection. Not worth looking cool I’d say. And besides, who are you going to impress, all the supermodels are zeds now, remember?
The Big Trucks - I’m sure a few of you are thinking “Hey grab an 18-Wheeler and lets make us some zed road kill” right? Wrong. Yes, they are insanely secure. You could drive one through a building and still keep driving. And they get damn good MPGs, plus not many other people are going to be going for diesel. They are admittedly a good choice for long hauls. But for those of us who the furthest we are driving is a scouting run, bad idea. They maneuver terrible, they are really loud, and lets face it, horrible in a city (if that’s where you live). So pass by the big truck, and any other vehicle like it (tow trucks, flat-beds, etc.).
SUVs and Vans (mini and other) - These are bad because they tend to maneuver badly and have poor MPGs, however they have decent protection, so if you simply need something to spend the night in, not the worst choice (not the best either though). They also tend to be rather unreliable.

Now that I’ve covered the crap, let’s give you some ideas for the best vehicles to look for, and of course, why.

Sedans - Sedans are always a good choice. 2 door or 4 door, they aren’t that loud. They put a roof over your head. They aren’t that big, so you can maneuver through the parking lots of the roads. And they get good MPGs. Now, of the “good” vehicles they are still your worst choice. They are easy to break into. They are low, and can by smashed or flipped. And you still can’t transport any big equipment. But with the next one…
Pick-Up Trucks - Ah, here is our vehicle of choice. With a (good) truck you get reliability, security, range, and you can transport that large equipment like generators, bikes, appliances, and large amounts of supplies, easily. You also get an easily defended vehicle. When you’re moving, you can have someone in the back shooting, and the windows are (usually) high enough that you can leave them down and fire from them. Plus rear window is generally small and/or paneled, so that offers some protection as well. Over all I feel this is your best vehicle option… if you need a motor. If not…
Bicycles - I feel it’s necessary to include bicycles here for a variety of reasons. They get the best MPGs, because they don’t require gas (heh). They require the least amount of maintenance, if you take care of them. They are virtually silent. And they are the most maneuverable vehicle there is, easily weaving in and out of tight spots. They are obviously useless on supply runs, but if you’re scouting, or simply trying to get from point A to point B, they are your best option. I always keep my bike in the back of out truck too, in case we need it, or in case I need to scout while the others stay at the protection of the truck, and it’s a good backup in case you break down also. I recommend a mountain bike over a road bike, as they are more versatile. Little heavier, but you can cut through terrain you just can’t on a road bike. This is basically the most important tool you can have, PZA.

There you have it. My guide to vehicles in this survival age. Always make sure you keep it well tuned. Make sure you keep at least an extra ten gallons of fuel in the vehicle, in case of emergencies. Make sure you keep at least three days supply of food and five days supply of fresh, drinkable water in it. Enough ammo to give you a backup supply in a tight pinch. And always remember to stay versatile – you never know when you’ll be thrown a curve-ball.

Suggestions for vehicles - I recommend Toyota or Nissan pick-up trucks for reliability. Go for late 90′s/early 2000′s models. For sedans I recommend anything foreign, as long as it’s not a sports model. Try to avoid the compact cars. Nissans, Hondas, BMWs are all great and reliable. And there are tons of bike shops in Boston if you don’t already own one… feel free to acquire one I say. Go for anything that looks sturdy, is basic (less maintenance if you don’t know how to repair a bike), and has at least 15 speeds. Wouldn’t want to be going uphill and slow to a crawl because it’s too hard to pedal, would you? And I recommend a good pack if you’re going to be using a bike, you can carry more, and they generally have some handy straps to hook a weapon to for easy access, as well as water and food.

And here’s your survival tip of the day: Remember, you can’t look cool if you’re dead. Catch you later survivors.

Boston Zed Heads